[ Sadness around the corner ]

Why do I always fall for someone who doesn’t love me as much as I love them? And it turned out that they’re more in love and passionate with their scandal. Am I too strong or is it just me that had been expecting my partners to be as obsessed as me?

Or was it insecurities? Can’t I have insecurities in my relationships? I mean I can be a freak sometimes but I need a comfort message not silence. If I let my partners free to move… what would happen? They feel as if there’s no control and free to mingle.

And then when “stuff” happened... Who’s to blame? It’ll always goes back to me. I was too insecure they said. But was it my fault? It’s not my lips on their scandals. Right? It’s not me who said

"I’m still single” though the fact that their already had a partner.

A bit of control is a necessity. i'm not saying to be a freak control. Of course we need a fun and casual relation somehow… but why do we keep secrets? (owh god I love secrets.. it's like orgasm) Why do I need to be almost honest all the time? Why do they keep their past aside? I seriously don’t know why are they afraid.

Will I not be able to except the truth? I can. It’s just they never try to talk to me. They tend to assume that I’m over-sensitive. Yes that’s true. I am. Can’t they talk to me? It’s a simple conversation. Talking. Face to face. Why is it so hard to talk? Talking bah… used those vocal chord, mouth, tongue, and lips to talk. They’re not just for kissing and sucking (mind me I'm horny at this paragraph).

Simple stuff. But they thought I’m making a big deal out of it. I was just trying to talk. Reality and crappy stuff. And when I started to talk they thought I was over sensitive and they started to get emotional and angry. Talk. It’s simple. Talking and explaining. It’s not hard. I may be redundant. But it’s always healthy to remind someone although it’s annoying. Help me. My memory is not healthy so as you. Then you’ll be helped. Everyone is satisfied in the end.

I’m afraid to talk. I became so much more sensitive and extroverted over stuff that doesn’t need to be bothered. I tend to think too much over things. Was it my fault (again)? Yes. I let it be. But there’s no support. People keep thinking I was their pain in the ass. Then why keep it like that? I thought they like those “pain” in the ass. Why complain but didn’t composed to it. Why not resolve to it and face me? Was it hard? NO. I don’t kick or punch people. That’s not my nature.

People should explain why and what things that they don’t like before I got smeared with saliva. If once or twice was ok. But if it’s continuous like the blocks of Sinsuran’s shop lots might cause trouble. This kind of lag made me emotional and crappy.

When my partners ended their relationships with me. I’ve felt as if I’m unattractive. Those other scandals win them over. I seriously believe people who have lower attractiveness have a great deal of chance to be dumped. Don’t believe me? BELIEVE IT. I’ve seen unfortunate-looking people to get dumped by their (so-called super-cute) partners.

"A” was dumped because “N” thought “A” was childish. Totally a big capital BS I state here. I’ve seen “A” by my own contact-lenses eye balls. I thought MJ is much cuter than him. I don’t assume. I knew “N” very well.

I felt like I’m used for someone’s transition to heal. I do. People like me somehow adapt themselves into bitches and whores. That’s what made them feel good. It is a dumb choice but what can that person do? They need remedies too. Their ex's are happy with their other half's. don't we (who are broken) deserves to be happy?

But somehow I realize that things like this had to happen because it made the world go round (not literally). without it I won’t be able to meet people in those circles. And without their loss I won’t be able to exchange places. Right? The perfect phrase would be,

"All things always happen for a reason"

And when people said to me...

"It’s not you. It’s me”

I think that’s not true. It’ll always be about me and you (Cassie singing at the background). There would always be a problem in each partner whether they like it or not. And how to know what are those?

So Simple….. Just talk. it's not easy but it's simple.

Ignorance is bliss. True. It’s vengeance in tranquility as I put it.

[ I'm sorry if i never been a good partner or a good communicator. But thats my flaws. they can't except my flaws and all. but maybe somebody else will. ]