Monday, February 18, 2008

[ Confused ] -by aleaf-

Dragging myself … alone
Drenched with unease mind-sets
Searching for an answer
To every rhetorical doubts

Lies … and the white ones’
A privilege to the sooth
A bleakly pain in disguise,

To the one who listen and accept
Though the fact was gruesome
All of the feelings I have

Was scattered everywhere
Hidden and prudent
Gathering me was insanely difficult

Stood up this night for a while
Putting thoughts to this piece
Muses was beside me
Gives inspiration … it came in but
Brutally hammering

Tried driving me to sleep
Unable,
Disturbed by ache … poking every inch of me
Rested my body on the bed, expecting,
Warm clinches around me … but none.

Lingered my eyes around
I realized that
I’m confused
Seems like choices are poison to me

Looking back … hell … confusion
So as this writings
Alas, exhausted by my senses
I fell into a short demise

[ Thoughts ] -by aleaf-

Beans had been spilled
Empty puzzle slowly been filled
making sense to all the starting seed.

While I'm on the road
I would let people take my wheel
Spunning round and round
Sadly it would end then lead
To uncertain scene, indeed.

Confused as it may seen
Now it was so clear
That each soul wants to come clean
Apparated anger, sorrow, regrets, tears and laughter

I realize somehow
Trust was a big matter, back then
That is argued frequently
Believeable instinct played my mind

Secrets were kept
locked down in depth
Hoping it would be dandy and great
Ignoring the after math

I was right after all
Some people had a plague, heart breaker
I don't have to parol
Because answer could always be sheer

I morned each night
for the death of my life
there's no hope for me in sight
No longer it is brief and safe

Nowadays it had become so complicated
these thoughts had been torturing
I wish I could volver back
So I could swim away from this ocean of pain

Sunday, February 17, 2008

[ Can't stay mad at you ] -by aleaf-


The miles that I took in gettin' there
Encouraged by instinct,
Breeze of ocean's wave passes by
in the dark I lurked.

Is that?
Tried to run away, but
"conscious" mused me to calm down
"curious" said to me to stay
"anger" told me to go berserk
"instinct" pursued me to believe.

I ran out of tears
wasted it for sadness
Couldn't take it.
Almost wish that I'm dead.
Hammered, Speechless and crushed

all pain tattooed in me.

Ugghhhh~~!!
we're down and upset
but i can't stay mad at you...
I couldn't
I love you, still

[ Meant for ] -by aleaf-


A month in my own rehab
Singing in a sad tune
Wailing and whining, an invisible scream
I’m loosing it.

Cracks of scarlet lines in my eyes
Each damn night, being in touch
Till silence made its wonders
Blurry … I’m down every time.

Things that happened today
Haunts me the next dawn; the eve of unforeseen-able.
Sweet songs
Romantic poems
Word spoken
Thoughts written
Partially wasn’t meant for me
I could just rub my tenaciousness of knowing and
Sighed with my shadow.

If I could travel through time
I would go 7 months back
And feel what I’ve felt before
Being meant for each other
Won’t change what I’d commit
Precede everything over and over
Until I’ve solemnly met pain again.

Fixing the future took scraps out of my soul
Why should it be different in the past?
Easy for someone to think that
Would never lose themselves to someone else
And I was up to thinking it was all about “you and me”
Well…

Maybe I’m meant to hurt, for someone’s happiness.
Maybe I’m meant to love, for someone to leave me
Maybe I’m meant to cry, for someone’s laughter
Maybe my heart meant to die, for someone’s heart to live.
And maybe,
All my good things should come to an end
For someone’s dream to begin.
I’m meant for it.

[ I've Found ] -by aleaf-


Hushes of breath
Taking paces
Flung my head
Eyes stared at him.

Smirked all the way
Opened the door
Made him a treat
He’s satisfied

Showered myself
With him underneath me
Smiled at him
Took him under my arms
Cleaned him top to bottom
Dried away the moistures

I’m naked, and so as him
He’s jittering, cold as ice
But the feeling was
Hot as ice.

Let him lay on me
Grabbed him
Kissed him
Love him
Made him mine.

I’ve found
What I’d wish for
Don’t know his name
Let him sleep and search

Then finally
I knew and named him
JOBIE
My newly found kitten.

Meoowwww~~~ ahahahaha

[ Up to you ] -by aleaf-

If that's the best
It's up to you.
If that's the worse
then don't get through.

Up to you to start anew
I could be the only few
Up to you to be with the past
I'll be happy for you in a gust.

I will not plead
Cause it's up to you
I will cry and bleed
Cause it's up to me to do.

Up to you for what's true
Up to me to be in your shoe
Up to us for what's good
Acceptance which it should.
Up to you... Up to you

[ Inside a giver's mind ] -by aleaf-

Alone and naughty
Zeal for fun
Broken but screamed it out
In time for him to heal.
Clicked a feeling
Caught up in love
It was an awesome bloom.


Sweet conscious
Willing to be good
He sacrificed everything
Being thoughtful everyday
To show how much he adores
To show that he really means it
Treated the one like it should be
Possessive and obsessive
He was depressively in love.


Minutes to ten
He was grinning before bed, waiting for a short conversation
The one whom he moved on with
Declared the words, likely known to him
He wish it was just a joke, but he didn’t hear any chuckles
Then the room was loud with silence
He lost it all.


Bitter consciousness
His heart wakens by hope
Disturbed still
He tried to fix everything
Saving what’s left,
Even quit the job he owned,
Neglected his best friends
Dismayed his family.
He convinced himself it was worth it
Though it wastes him, he’s a mess.


He stared at their last love letter
Touched the picture of them both
Putting it back together, but it doesn’t look the same.
He smiled a little with tears
It was just another picture to burn.
His phone blast a ring tone, it was their favorite song
A text message arrived; “I never want to hurt you, dear”
It doesn’t matter to him anymore.


It was 3.46 am
He’s hurt and in love
Helpless and foolish
He was crying as flashbacks haunts him
Cracked up with a knife in his hand
Blood was all over the keyboard
The last thing he sees
Was
“Inside A Giver’s Mind”

[ Can't get you out of my head ] -by aleaf-

I was walking backwards with my umbrella
As I glared at the night sky
The moon was almost full, luminous
Scared away the gloomy clouds
Gave ways to the stars, Flaunting its sparks.


Every step I make counts your name
Every breath I take speaks your voice
Every thought I have, it’s your face,
Your face, your face, your face.


Smooth cold breeze brushes my skin
Just like your touch
Fingers ran against my cheek
Just seconds, but it means a lot.


My life changed
Since I fell for you.
My attention grew
Since my stares are at you.
I just can’t get you out of my head
Should keep it by stealth
But I couldn’t help it.


A hug to comfort me, comfort you
A kiss on your lips so that you would knew.
Whispered a song while you’re in my arms
I lay beside you, watching you as you fall asleep.
I've dreamt of all, will it come true?
I believe.

[ Days ]

i wrote this waiting for the new day.. waiting that sumhow my life would turn out to be meaningful with sum1 that i really into...

another day
another paper mache
shaped in hearts
and 4 feet people.

another day
another chocolate brioche
baked in heartbreaks
and 1 feet people.

another day
another love message
typed in beautiful lines
and meaningful stanzas.

another day
another face
appeared in my mind
my soul and my imagination

another day
another wrenchful waits
for you, thou, thee
and him

Sunday, February 3, 2008

[ Moving On ]

"Moving On"
by Aleaf


As my age ticks in its path
Dreams, hopes, faith, believes
Rolled unintact
with chances tumbling down


Opportunity given ... But ignored
What a meak thing to do
Furiously driven my self jitterly around
A great soul
A goddess
Stood for as long as it could hold on
Gritted patiently
Until everything caved in
Forced by dissapointment and pain


Confession had been made
Too late ... but with a cause
Too soon ... but still close
Both surrended

I'm boned, skinned, and deducted
Defeated by my own egocentric tact
Voted out by my own self - doubt


I'm back to where I've started
Imploding to the earliest spot
Repainted with a steady colour
Alligning all bent lines


We were ranged away from each other
but he knew that
I AM MOVING ON ...