[ I'm In Love? ]

It has been a while since my last posting. I was planning to start my Vlog soon. But can't seem to start on the right day.. or probably I kept on postponing it.

I'm shy on camera.. especially with capturing videos (not porn) of myself. So imagine how hard it is for me to be talking to myself and act as if someone's watching me.

Anyways, meeting people as dates has been fun. I've fallen for so many guys. But only a few still plays in my mind. I don't want to brag, but some tried really hard to make a connection, but only one tamed my heart.

We've known so long ago. But kinda on and off cause he got a hectic social life..... he's kinda a family guy. Though I knew he was screaming for freedom.

Since our first *magical* date, we like each other.

I knew that for me having a long distance is ridiculous. Because I've made comments on it. I guess I'll give it a try. No.. we haven't declared anything yet. we decided to take things slow and see how it goes.

He's nice... attractive... adorable... romantic.... matured.... well although I have issues for him being straight-forward but I've found it amusing. I might got a bit jealous sometimes, but hey, we've only just begun.

Or I might be a bit worried when he gets high or going to clubs, but ya know.... I'm cool.

He travels a lot. Enjoying life. Fun. Big family. he's kinda in a high-level community. So I'm really not in the same level as his. But he accept me for who I am.

Hopefully this works. I'm just gonna wait. I'll be meeting him soon. If it blooms then I would end my single years... if he backed out, then there goes another year of me being alone.

Wish Me Luck

[ I Always Remember ]

"I'd rather loose both of you, rather than hurting you if we are still together"

I remembered those line. well.. couldn't remember the exact word but that's how it goes. Then eventually you went to the other party.

Being lucky in relations is quite hard. Probably it was my own fault. But the things that I remembered always kept me smiling (or teary-eyed) although it hurts and sometimes I just want to smash my collections of coloured bottles on the wall.

Littlest things could trigger the whole memory. So I am actually moving on with those. I couldn't explain it. I could lie about me getting over them.

BUT I CAN'T.

Everywhere I go reminded me of them. Even just a glimpse. Flashbacks.

The grafitti that I paint on the wall of my bedroom is a prescription I created to just keep me occupied from the break-up.

TV Shows.... the frequent laughs that I had with them every time I watched the tely.

Clothes... gifts... significant dialogues .. Pictures... bla bla bla

I can't run from it. I just need to set things right... It's like a guitar.. I need to set it in tune so that I could get the perfect music of every notes that I am about to make.

when the next time I say;

"will you be my partner"..

I'll make sure my guitar is new and in tune..

[ I like you ]

.. I really like you. but I'm not in love with you. well.. Not yet. I'm saving up my feelings and those 3 words till the right time and the right person.

I would be bluffing if i said I don't feel alone. On the other hand, I do. I had few dates.. But ya know, I'm comfortable with them.. and that's about it. I would love to be in a relationship as soon because I began to miss the feeling.

Sex? It has been a while. So.. I could be loosing my touch. *chuckle*. I had my hand as practices. But.. that is not really important

So if ever I met nice looking person.. I say "I like you".. And see how it goes from there. *SIGH*

[ To Fall In Love... Again ]

Honestly I don't expect people to read my blog. I don't even know if ever people ever read this. Writing kept me sane.. or probably one of my own therapy. 

I like a lot of people... I want them to be my partner. But I seem can't to put my hands on it. Ya know. Making the first step.

Because I'm tired of it.

Right now.. I have few (sort of like candidates) person that I would love to let them hear what I've felt... "I LOVE YOU"

But my heart's locked.. So where's the right keys? Or should I put it "WHO HAS IT?"
Maybe this delays got me in this single man status. 2 years plus... in counting.

I'm afraid that probably I will miss how is it like to flirt around.. or to experience love with someone else if ever I'm in a relationship now. Probably I made the same excuse so that I won't get hurt again.

My previous exes.. well kinda affected my way of doin things around. especially the last one.. So maybe I flatter myself by thinking that they're trying to get on my nerves.. but.. ya know, probably that's just me. I have to stop writing about them... someday.

Anyways I can't fall in love in 3 days.... It's hard. I just don't believe in love at first sight. Cause that only means *I want to get in bed with you.. pronto!*.. well at least that what I think of it. *chuckle*

I want you.... where-ever or who-ever you are now..

[ One of Those Thoughts ]

.. I spent my whole life... pleasing people.. even follow what they've ordered.. or being asked to become what I am not..

well.. I guess... I hope I won't be having the same tune this year.

I'm happy now. I want to travel.. for real this time. I have plans and confirmed trip. I'll go as far as I may. Wish me luck.

I sleep alone every night... I have hopes, that kept me waking up in the morning with a smile on my face.

Regards,

The boy who loves green

[ I've FOund A Corner To Cry ]

It's December again. so much happened at the end of this very month... and it happened again... I've done terrible things... I messed up his life. I'm obsessed. It's true.. I can't let him go. I kept denying those fact.. But . yeah.. I'm in denial. 

I wish you well... happy... good life... I don't hate you.. I just don't care anymore.

I came a loong way to confess.. but people already knew it. I've never been honest to myself or to some people. It's a way for me to be alive.. but in the end I died at my own trigger.

2009 to me is a veery long year. I still feel that I'm stuck there. I can't figure out where to start anew. last minute? Too late?

What do I get this December? Nothing... Just shit and a lot more of that coming. I'm leaving 2009 .. Just gonna start with ever I had now.. and hope nice things would happened. SO I've learnt my lesson well... 

I'm not alone.. But my soul is.

[ COSPLAY CONTEST ]

I don't know if anyone's viewing my blog.. but I need supporters!!!  I 've participated in the BREEZE Cosplay x J-Fashion Contest... The most "LIKE" will win!

Voting ends 18th December which had started weeks ago. Due Submission of photos ended on 30th November...

So I dressed up and make-up myself as Tim Burton's Mad Hatter from Alice In Wonderland

[ "you're terribly late you know?.. naughty"... a line from the movie which will come out in 2010 ]

Here's what you need to do:

1. Go to this link http://www.facebook.com/pages/Breeze-mag/158254485841 

2. Be a fan (just click "be a fan")

3. Then you don't need to search the pic just go this link for my entry 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2803014&id=158254485841

4. Click "like".. Add comments if you want

5. Done!!

Hope I get your full support... Thanx!!! If I win I'll treat Ice Cream. hehehhe Muah muah!