[ I Always Remember ]

"I'd rather loose both of you, rather than hurting you if we are still together"

I remembered those line. well.. couldn't remember the exact word but that's how it goes. Then eventually you went to the other party.

Being lucky in relations is quite hard. Probably it was my own fault. But the things that I remembered always kept me smiling (or teary-eyed) although it hurts and sometimes I just want to smash my collections of coloured bottles on the wall.

Littlest things could trigger the whole memory. So I am actually moving on with those. I couldn't explain it. I could lie about me getting over them.

BUT I CAN'T.

Everywhere I go reminded me of them. Even just a glimpse. Flashbacks.

The grafitti that I paint on the wall of my bedroom is a prescription I created to just keep me occupied from the break-up.

TV Shows.... the frequent laughs that I had with them every time I watched the tely.

Clothes... gifts... significant dialogues .. Pictures... bla bla bla

I can't run from it. I just need to set things right... It's like a guitar.. I need to set it in tune so that I could get the perfect music of every notes that I am about to make.

when the next time I say;

"will you be my partner"..

I'll make sure my guitar is new and in tune..

[ I like you ]

.. I really like you. but I'm not in love with you. well.. Not yet. I'm saving up my feelings and those 3 words till the right time and the right person.

I would be bluffing if i said I don't feel alone. On the other hand, I do. I had few dates.. But ya know, I'm comfortable with them.. and that's about it. I would love to be in a relationship as soon because I began to miss the feeling.

Sex? It has been a while. So.. I could be loosing my touch. *chuckle*. I had my hand as practices. But.. that is not really important

So if ever I met nice looking person.. I say "I like you".. And see how it goes from there. *SIGH*

[ To Fall In Love... Again ]

Honestly I don't expect people to read my blog. I don't even know if ever people ever read this. Writing kept me sane.. or probably one of my own therapy. 

I like a lot of people... I want them to be my partner. But I seem can't to put my hands on it. Ya know. Making the first step.

Because I'm tired of it.

Right now.. I have few (sort of like candidates) person that I would love to let them hear what I've felt... "I LOVE YOU"

But my heart's locked.. So where's the right keys? Or should I put it "WHO HAS IT?"
Maybe this delays got me in this single man status. 2 years plus... in counting.

I'm afraid that probably I will miss how is it like to flirt around.. or to experience love with someone else if ever I'm in a relationship now. Probably I made the same excuse so that I won't get hurt again.

My previous exes.. well kinda affected my way of doin things around. especially the last one.. So maybe I flatter myself by thinking that they're trying to get on my nerves.. but.. ya know, probably that's just me. I have to stop writing about them... someday.

Anyways I can't fall in love in 3 days.... It's hard. I just don't believe in love at first sight. Cause that only means *I want to get in bed with you.. pronto!*.. well at least that what I think of it. *chuckle*

I want you.... where-ever or who-ever you are now..

[ One of Those Thoughts ]

.. I spent my whole life... pleasing people.. even follow what they've ordered.. or being asked to become what I am not..

well.. I guess... I hope I won't be having the same tune this year.

I'm happy now. I want to travel.. for real this time. I have plans and confirmed trip. I'll go as far as I may. Wish me luck.

I sleep alone every night... I have hopes, that kept me waking up in the morning with a smile on my face.

Regards,

The boy who loves green

[ I've FOund A Corner To Cry ]

It's December again. so much happened at the end of this very month... and it happened again... I've done terrible things... I messed up his life. I'm obsessed. It's true.. I can't let him go. I kept denying those fact.. But . yeah.. I'm in denial. 

I wish you well... happy... good life... I don't hate you.. I just don't care anymore.

I came a loong way to confess.. but people already knew it. I've never been honest to myself or to some people. It's a way for me to be alive.. but in the end I died at my own trigger.

2009 to me is a veery long year. I still feel that I'm stuck there. I can't figure out where to start anew. last minute? Too late?

What do I get this December? Nothing... Just shit and a lot more of that coming. I'm leaving 2009 .. Just gonna start with ever I had now.. and hope nice things would happened. SO I've learnt my lesson well... 

I'm not alone.. But my soul is.

[ COSPLAY CONTEST ]

I don't know if anyone's viewing my blog.. but I need supporters!!!  I 've participated in the BREEZE Cosplay x J-Fashion Contest... The most "LIKE" will win!

Voting ends 18th December which had started weeks ago. Due Submission of photos ended on 30th November...

So I dressed up and make-up myself as Tim Burton's Mad Hatter from Alice In Wonderland

[ "you're terribly late you know?.. naughty"... a line from the movie which will come out in 2010 ]

Here's what you need to do:

1. Go to this link http://www.facebook.com/pages/Breeze-mag/158254485841 

2. Be a fan (just click "be a fan")

3. Then you don't need to search the pic just go this link for my entry 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2803014&id=158254485841

4. Click "like".. Add comments if you want

5. Done!!

Hope I get your full support... Thanx!!! If I win I'll treat Ice Cream. hehehhe Muah muah!

[ I'm Alive ]

"No matter how bad we fight, never switch off your phone"

26th July 2009-

I never walk out the house the same way again. I've been mugged. yes. Across the Sutera Harbour main road with no vehicles in sight.

3 males attacked me. Dark skin, fake malay accent, & bad breathe. I've tried running away. But my white flippies and wet grounds did not accelerate my escape. One of them managed to grab my left sleeves of my jacket and pulled me down the drain. I've landed on arm.

Wallet & my phone were taken. They kindly gave back my ID Card. Which I begged. Threatened to be stabbed if I ever tell anyone, I had to. They left with guiltless pace.

I stayed down afraid that they came back & might end me. With pain anchoring me down, I crawled up from the drain. Trying to stop any vehicles, as I expected.. they won't stop to help. People are so kind nowadays.

I walked barefoot not ever thinking of fetching my flippies though it's just metres away.

Upfront was a white van. on the sideways. I've paid them a visit. They looked at me terrified, the mother summoned her husband out of a hut (seems like a contractor workers which I think they have legal passes. Not that I thought of that at that time).
I told them what happened. I plead help, and a phone call was given. The only phone number in mind was Ricky's.

I don't blame the man's instinct of me having done some bad stuff to him. he made the call himself. Sobbing and flushing tears like the girl frm Mean Girls. The scene where Gretchen cracked in the toilet after blabbing about Ceaser and Brutus.

Anyways......

Ricky picked me up. He looked as shock as me. He said my face looked like a molten cheese cake. But that statement came after that night. I explained with panic volume turned on. He snapped me back to reality. I sentap and muted. He was doing the right thing.

We went to the police station at Karamunsing. Filed a report. The officers seem to care the "Jangan Lupa Lirik" show rather than my unfortunate event. I blame Aznil for that. it was a slow process. They're not typist but I have my patience. Ricky had to go back as he had things to attend. me and the abg2 police and police-nita went to the crime scene asking me to pose like Madonna's LV ad for forensic evidences. Not that they knew of that stuff.

After medical treatment and xray. I suffered bad bruises and sprained elbow. I walked out the ER and everybody looked at me as the "Lelaki tembam tak berbaju, berbalut d tgn".

Came back home.. made a few phone calls using mom's phone... I never thought I'm a target for robbery. Reading and knowing all those stories about people experiencing the same thing as me.. I'm actually, officially one of them.

Despite all that.. I got a number from a horny abg2 police. Lucky me

*SIGH*