I'm not a green bag

I appreciate.. I apologize

2010-11-11T01:08:00.005+08:00

I've posted this in my Facebook profile:

"Which one do you express more to your loved ones?

1. Apologies
2. Appreciation"

..... most of my friends answered "Appreciation" and what they did not mention is

IN WHAT WAY?

..... just because they are your loved ones... sometimes showing appreciation is the hardest one. sometimes we forgot. To apologize.. the easiest.

Sometimes... saying THANK YOU is good enough. The thought that counts. Even when your loved ones replied:

"No problem. anytime" or "Ah anything for you"

it sounded as if they don't deserve the word "THANK YOU" but believe me

DEEP INSIDE.... THEY ARE GLAD THAT THEY WERE ACKNOWLEDGED AND APPRECIATED.

Sometimes... we forgot how to appreciate the littlest things.. a kiss to the cheek perhaps.. or sweeping someone's hair... or even stares at them and smile. It seems CHEESY...

BUT IT MEANS A LOT.

When someone apologize to you.... suddenly. It does not mean that they did something wrong. It means that they are trying to figure out much more way to make you happier.

IT MEANS THEY LOVE YOU DEARLY AND DOES NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU.

..sometimes... it's good to give back... even during sex.. or after.. (pardon me) *chuckle*

so.. I want to dedicate this to my honey:

I want to say thank you for giving me hope to love again. I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyways. I'm not perfect, but you are my perfect one. I may not be as cool as anyone else, but I'm trying to please you.
Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for protecting me
Thank you for saying nice things to me
Thank you for calming me at hard times
Thank you for everything, I Love You

New Place?

2010-10-25T08:38:00.002+08:00

Hey..... wazzupppp!

Lama suda nda update. busy bah dengan business

anyways.. I've resigned from my recent Job in August and decided to move out of KK. Now I'm in Ipoh Perak!

I've followed my partner here and started new a-leaf. get it? nice one huh.. No? Don't get it? NVM.

anyways.. I'm happy here. Happy like Paris Hilton's sex tape. Kidding. Wait... I don't watch str8 Porn.. (shouldn't typed that in though) but I did.

Furthermore.. I've opened my own shop here in Ipoh! Crazy? Hell yeah!

So I'm sorry I did not update this blog. I have a new blog to manage. But I'll try to update every now and then. Loads to tell. probably should start a Vlog in youtube or in facebook.

Hey if you guys have some time to spare look-up my new blog http://aleafcollection.blogspot.com

happy days! Don't forget to smirk and save the world

[ Moved On ]

2010-06-22T09:43:00.002+08:00

My previous entry was so sad... people tend to suffocate in it. well.. now I'm happy. bedazzling myself with smiles. hehe..

any ways... this time around I won't be crafting mellow stanzas. just to write blah blahs about what's happening soon.

I'm stepping back from my job at The Body Shop... not because I have problems with the company, just that I need time with my life... and with my partner.

and yes I'm moving in. a month to go

[ I'm The Lucky One ]

2010-06-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

This person knows how my coffee is done... when I want it just nice
knows when I'm hungry... even when I said I'm not
knows that I'm upset... when he hears my voice
knows why I'm sweating... even when I said I'm okay
knows how to make me happy.... and what pleasures me

But little does this person know
That I'm lucky to have him.
I Love You

[ Changes ]

2010-05-23T02:22:00.002+08:00

I did not changed my mind,
my mind said yes
but my heart did not.

But we connected as time goes by
You made me feel important
You made me feel good about myself
You made me want it, not just to try it
and I meant the relationship, not the fun.

You're sweet
You're incredible
You're smart
You're mature
You're funny

Sayang,
you've mended my heart
I never changed my mind when u popped the question
And that day.. When I come,
my heart said YES to you.

[ If I Say Yes ]

2010-05-14T03:06:00.002+08:00

I've dreamt of being with someone

three "pla-infull" years

I've waited

I've met shadows

I can't see them in the dark

They come and go when-ever they want

When there is a time they'll show

When there's perfect timing, They walk-away

When I grasp them in my hands, they don't feel a thing

.. And when they grasp me by surprise

I got scared.

I don't mean to choose

I just want it to be meant

I want it so bad, but I can't be the only one who's hooked

or the other line.

I don't want shadows

I want that person who's standing in front of me

waving, smiling, talking, doing stuff together

one who comes and goes, but did not hurt you

When there's perfect timing, that person would show up and cheer you

When I grasp him in my hands, that person felt my love

And when he grasp me patiently.... passionately... sincerely

I'll say yes...

.....Finally

[ I'm In Love? ]

2010-04-20T00:25:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since my last posting. I was planning to start my Vlog soon. But can't seem to start on the right day.. or probably I kept on postponing it.

I'm shy on camera.. especially with capturing videos (not porn) of myself. So imagine how hard it is for me to be talking to myself and act as if someone's watching me.

Anyways, meeting people as dates has been fun. I've fallen for so many guys. But only a few still plays in my mind. I don't want to brag, but some tried really hard to make a connection, but only one tamed my heart.

We've known so long ago. But kinda on and off cause he got a hectic social life..... he's kinda a family guy. Though I knew he was screaming for freedom.

Since our first *magical* date, we like each other.

I knew that for me having a long distance is ridiculous. Because I've made comments on it. I guess I'll give it a try. No.. we haven't declared anything yet. we decided to take things slow and see how it goes.

He's nice... attractive... adorable... romantic.... matured.... well although I have issues for him being straight-forward but I've found it amusing. I might got a bit jealous sometimes, but hey, we've only just begun.

Or I might be a bit worried when he gets high or going to clubs, but ya know.... I'm cool.

He travels a lot. Enjoying life. Fun. Big family. he's kinda in a high-level community. So I'm really not in the same level as his. But he accept me for who I am.

Hopefully this works. I'm just gonna wait. I'll be meeting him soon. If it blooms then I would end my single years... if he backed out, then there goes another year of me being alone.

Wish Me Luck

[ I Always Remember ]

2010-02-09T20:35:00.003+08:00

"I'd rather loose both of you, rather than hurting you if we are still together"

I remembered those line. well.. couldn't remember the exact word but that's how it goes. Then eventually you went to the other party.

Being lucky in relations is quite hard. Probably it was my own fault. But the things that I remembered always kept me smiling (or teary-eyed) although it hurts and sometimes I just want to smash my collections of coloured bottles on the wall.

Littlest things could trigger the whole memory. So I am actually moving on with those. I couldn't explain it. I could lie about me getting over them.

BUT I CAN'T.

Everywhere I go reminded me of them. Even just a glimpse. Flashbacks.

The grafitti that I paint on the wall of my bedroom is a prescription I created to just keep me occupied from the break-up.

TV Shows.... the frequent laughs that I had with them every time I watched the tely.

Clothes... gifts... significant dialogues .. Pictures... bla bla bla

I can't run from it. I just need to set things right... It's like a guitar.. I need to set it in tune so that I could get the perfect music of every notes that I am about to make.

when the next time I say;

"will you be my partner"..

I'll make sure my guitar is new and in tune..

[ I like you ]

2010-02-06T01:26:00.003+08:00

.. I really like you. but I'm not in love with you. well.. Not yet. I'm saving up my feelings and those 3 words till the right time and the right person.

I would be bluffing if i said I don't feel alone. On the other hand, I do. I had few dates.. But ya know, I'm comfortable with them.. and that's about it. I would love to be in a relationship as soon because I began to miss the feeling.

Sex? It has been a while. So.. I could be loosing my touch. *chuckle*. I had my hand as practices. But.. that is not really important

So if ever I met nice looking person.. I say "I like you".. And see how it goes from there. *SIGH*

[ To Fall In Love... Again ]

2010-01-22T01:51:00.002+08:00

Honestly I don't expect people to read my blog. I don't even know if ever people ever read this. Writing kept me sane.. or probably one of my own therapy.

I like a lot of people... I want them to be my partner. But I seem can't to put my hands on it. Ya know. Making the first step.

Because I'm tired of it.

Right now.. I have few (sort of like candidates) person that I would love to let them hear what I've felt... "I LOVE YOU"

But my heart's locked.. So where's the right keys? Or should I put it "WHO HAS IT?"
Maybe this delays got me in this single man status. 2 years plus... in counting.

I'm afraid that probably I will miss how is it like to flirt around.. or to experience love with someone else if ever I'm in a relationship now. Probably I made the same excuse so that I won't get hurt again.

My previous exes.. well kinda affected my way of doin things around. especially the last one.. So maybe I flatter myself by thinking that they're trying to get on my nerves.. but.. ya know, probably that's just me. I have to stop writing about them... someday.

Anyways I can't fall in love in 3 days.... It's hard. I just don't believe in love at first sight. Cause that only means *I want to get in bed with you.. pronto!*.. well at least that what I think of it. *chuckle*

I want you.... where-ever or who-ever you are now..

[ One of Those Thoughts ]

2010-01-14T00:45:00.003+08:00

.. I spent my whole life... pleasing people.. even follow what they've ordered.. or being asked to become what I am not..

well.. I guess... I hope I won't be having the same tune this year.

I'm happy now. I want to travel.. for real this time. I have plans and confirmed trip. I'll go as far as I may. Wish me luck.

I sleep alone every night... I have hopes, that kept me waking up in the morning with a smile on my face.

Regards,

The boy who loves green

[ I've FOund A Corner To Cry ]

2009-12-31T02:02:00.002+08:00

It's December again. so much happened at the end of this very month... and it happened again... I've done terrible things... I messed up his life. I'm obsessed. It's true.. I can't let him go. I kept denying those fact.. But . yeah.. I'm in denial.

I wish you well... happy... good life... I don't hate you.. I just don't care anymore.

I came a loong way to confess.. but people already knew it. I've never been honest to myself or to some people. It's a way for me to be alive.. but in the end I died at my own trigger.

2009 to me is a veery long year. I still feel that I'm stuck there. I can't figure out where to start anew. last minute? Too late?

What do I get this December? Nothing... Just shit and a lot more of that coming. I'm leaving 2009 .. Just gonna start with ever I had now.. and hope nice things would happened. SO I've learnt my lesson well...

I'm not alone.. But my soul is.

[ COSPLAY CONTEST ]

2009-12-09T06:06:00.003+08:00

I don't know if anyone's viewing my blog.. but I need supporters!!! I 've participated in the BREEZE Cosplay x J-Fashion Contest... The most "LIKE" will win!

Voting ends 18th December which had started weeks ago. Due Submission of photos ended on 30th November...

So I dressed up and make-up myself as Tim Burton's Mad Hatter from Alice In Wonderland

[ "you're terribly late you know?.. naughty"... a line from the movie which will come out in 2010 ]

Here's what you need to do:

1. Go to this link http://www.facebook.com/pages/Breeze-mag/158254485841

2. Be a fan (just click "be a fan")

3. Then you don't need to search the pic just go this link for my entry
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2803014&id=158254485841

4. Click "like".. Add comments if you want

5. Done!!

Hope I get your full support... Thanx!!! If I win I'll treat Ice Cream. hehehhe Muah muah!

[ I'm Alive ]

2009-08-25T04:57:00.003+08:00

"No matter how bad we fight, never switch off your phone"

26th July 2009-

I never walk out the house the same way again. I've been mugged. yes. Across the Sutera Harbour main road with no vehicles in sight.

3 males attacked me. Dark skin, fake malay accent, & bad breathe. I've tried running away. But my white flippies and wet grounds did not accelerate my escape. One of them managed to grab my left sleeves of my jacket and pulled me down the drain. I've landed on arm.

Wallet & my phone were taken. They kindly gave back my ID Card. Which I begged. Threatened to be stabbed if I ever tell anyone, I had to. They left with guiltless pace.

I stayed down afraid that they came back & might end me. With pain anchoring me down, I crawled up from the drain. Trying to stop any vehicles, as I expected.. they won't stop to help. People are so kind nowadays.

I walked barefoot not ever thinking of fetching my flippies though it's just metres away.

Upfront was a white van. on the sideways. I've paid them a visit. They looked at me terrified, the mother summoned her husband out of a hut (seems like a contractor workers which I think they have legal passes. Not that I thought of that at that time).
I told them what happened. I plead help, and a phone call was given. The only phone number in mind was Ricky's.

I don't blame the man's instinct of me having done some bad stuff to him. he made the call himself. Sobbing and flushing tears like the girl frm Mean Girls. The scene where Gretchen cracked in the toilet after blabbing about Ceaser and Brutus.

Anyways......

Ricky picked me up. He looked as shock as me. He said my face looked like a molten cheese cake. But that statement came after that night. I explained with panic volume turned on. He snapped me back to reality. I sentap and muted. He was doing the right thing.

We went to the police station at Karamunsing. Filed a report. The officers seem to care the "Jangan Lupa Lirik" show rather than my unfortunate event. I blame Aznil for that. it was a slow process. They're not typist but I have my patience. Ricky had to go back as he had things to attend. me and the abg2 police and police-nita went to the crime scene asking me to pose like Madonna's LV ad for forensic evidences. Not that they knew of that stuff.

After medical treatment and xray. I suffered bad bruises and sprained elbow. I walked out the ER and everybody looked at me as the "Lelaki tembam tak berbaju, berbalut d tgn".

Came back home.. made a few phone calls using mom's phone... I never thought I'm a target for robbery. Reading and knowing all those stories about people experiencing the same thing as me.. I'm actually, officially one of them.

Despite all that.. I got a number from a horny abg2 police. Lucky me

*SIGH*

[ Mr Panda 2009 ]

2009-05-14T11:59:00.005+08:00

30th April 2009 - Q Bar.. where all the mixed orientation crowd were for the 2009 MR PANDA. I was there as well.. Eyeing on every each of the bulges. haha!

Q Bar

Beach Wear

Executive wear

Ice Breaking Session

Before The runway started

Casual Wear

Ermm.. One of my favourite

One of my favourite.. as well.

Heyaaaa!! can Anyone hear me??

Miss Lola.. Show Girl

Clement & Me

Bobby & Me

Ricky & Me

Agus & Me... ngeheheh... *click Like*

The event was slightly boring. Too much talking. It would be a good show if they cut down the unnecessary dialogues. It was fun though being there. it has been a while. Thanx to friends and ex's who're there that night. Till the next postings. bye bye..

[Smirk to save the world]

[ He'll never be me (last part)]

2009-04-10T10:06:00.002+08:00

hello... ermm it has been a while since my last posting. it probably means that I'm out of idea or im just too busy.

to sum it all up. I am still out with Ricky. Awin is with an ugly dude named Syant. My life's almost perfect. Having an almost lover...

working.. wanting.. earning.

see how it goes.

[ He'll Never Be Me (part 2) ]

2009-02-12T08:43:00.002+08:00

.... He broke-up with me at his place. That time I wasn't as astonished as the previous disintegration.. because I was expecting it. Along that 3 days he seem distracted by another contact. Who could it be? Awin obviously.

He said he couldn’t do it anymore. Hurting me, knowing the fact that something had happen. And he said he’s backing off as so to take responsibility of what he did. I’m quite befuddled by that excuse because... to me it wasn’t making any sense.

Another thing is… Ricky mentioned about not hurting 2 people at the same time. But alas he made a vow to Awin I think around Christmas 07.

It hurt so bad. Knowing that Ricky jumped to another person as not to let himself time to have that certain transition. Made me feel like being used for that 6 months period.

It took me months to recover. Ricky even lied to me that day when Awin came down to KK on December. Like that time… I called him like forever.. and he claims that he left his phone inside the car. And he claims that he went out with his cousins… but the fact was … he's not.

I felt like one of those girls in “John Tucker Must Die”.. minus the boobs and pussies.

Well.. then I’ve started to be sane again. Still stammered by the unfortunate event of mine… I’ve ran to KL. Suppose to work.. but then I cracked up (there’s a reason) and went back to KK a month after that. It was around May 08 until June 08.

There’s much to talk about my so called KL rehabilitation… But it’s not that important. All I can say that I’ve learnt and changed.

Awin had been trying to be in contact with me. But I’ve ignored his calls and texts. Ignorance is bliss. I just don’t have time for whores who doesn’t earn anything… but from what they’ve stolen from people before this.

Here’s a snippet of what he texted me during his partnership with Ricky…

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“It’s your fault that you never told me that you’re with Rick”.

Seriously this kid is much more sluttier than I thought.. If he already knew… Why would he still be around Ricky….Right? I mean It’s not my fault for telling the truth.. and who’s to blame for not being honest at the first place?

I was minding my own business and he bashed me up with rhetorical Qs that he would find answers inside that stinking heart of his.

Awin has a reputation... should I tell the stories? maybe next time.

Until now.. I am still confused as to why Ricky broke-up with me.. although he explained million of times. I know Rick would be reading and he would debate.. I understood the situations.. our situation. but I'm still dissatisfied with my short term relationship..

I'm hangin' on a thread until now. But I know I would be fine..

To be continued…

[ He'll never be me ]

2009-02-05T01:11:00.003+08:00

I've been into 5 relationships. With guys. (Obviously)... I'm writing here about my previous ex and what happened back then. I'm not saying my ex is a bad person. Just that everyone made a mistake. keep in mind I'm still in contact with my exes

It's hard to reminisce the bits and pieces of it, but what the "H".

Ricky and I dated together (when I was still single lady) before he broke-up with Neo. After a few months.... I proposed Ricky twice (Hahaha... the last proposal while we were naked).

We both had a blast together.. but seems like my insecurities get the best of both of us. I asked him out a lot of many times.. so that I can be with him. And I stayed at his place almost everyday and he sent me to my workplace at STAR (Shangrila's Tanjung Aru Resort)... every mooooorning. I think he got tired of me shadowing his every step.

Then I got to know this kid from Sarawak.. namely Awin or Aluin. and eventually Ricky knew Awin as well. (Friendster is just a click away). Awin went down to KK with his family. 3 Days trip as I remembered it.
The 3 of us met the first time at Anjung Senja. The odd thing is... Ricky is sitting next to Awin..

y not me?

Over and over I asked Ricky if Awin knew that me and him are together. and the answer is still... no. That time... I knew something is wrong.

While Awin's in KK.. Ricky told me that they went out together.. a few times. and that's disturbing. Until one moment I can't stand knowing that they went out and still Awin is un-noticeable about me and Rick, I blurted out about it to Awin.

Awin was so crushed. (wonder why?) and the same goes with Ricky . I dunno. Why should Ricky be mad at me about telling the truth? Ricky erupted. He scolded me through the phone. The tantrums stll lingered in my mind. I wanted to post here. but... I can't

I was in shock mode trying to get them back as friends. I seriously have no clue why am I doing it... as the answer is there in front of me. I forced Awin to meet me. have some drinks. Apologized. and gave Awin 2 keychains as a token. Everything came back to normal.

Then one night the three of us were suppose to meet. Then Ricky told me that him and Awin will go out to tanjung aru first then would be picking me up later.

Isn't it odd? why should they be alone? my instincts went wild. I tried to call him but he refuse to answer. then he answered the last 5th time. he said he was crying. Of what?

I was imagining things. then I asked where they are.. he answered. and I know where to go. I ran from my place to that wretched gloomy beach.

I lurked behind the trees.. and saw everything.. EVERYHTING.

I called and they seem to know I was around. I stood there.. they passed me. that B**** just walked pass me without a word... A guilty pace.

Ricky had the guts to smile at me. I kept my cool down. with out a word. I almost fainted.

We were not going out finally. They figured out that I should be resting because I looked washed out (Duh!)....

I asked them to send me to the nearest cyber cafe... and Ricky... lending me his jacket. and Awin had the guts to shake my hand and smile. Like I just wanted to whipp his face with that jacket

They went off....

I texted Ricky

"I saw everything"

"We didn't do anything" he replied

" Why did u kissed him?" I answered. standing still at the pavement.

"Ok. that we need to discussed" It sounded as if it was not a big of deal. right?

So I've waited like an hour or so. I was cracking up. Nearly to commit a suicide which I rarely think about. Ricky said that he needs to accompany Awin because his parents haven't got back from somewhere. So the room to Awin's hotel is locked.

To think of it.... if I wouldn't know what had happen... would they still be waiting for Awin's room? I would be dramatizing this situation. but it could happened.

So he came eventually. I entered the car. And Ricky was sobbing saying sorry for what I saw that night. I couldnt say anything. I cant even drop a single tears. I drained my will to cry that night.

So brought me to his place (as I requested.. because I managed to get home and pack). he asked me to calm down. (Calm down?! my BF just cheated on me). I lay back. Arriving. Still blurred. We sleep that night without saying a word. As if nothing happens.

3 days after that... he broke-up with me.

To be continued....

[ It's been a while ]

2009-02-01T04:06:00.003+08:00

I'm back.....!

Not literally though... haha...

First. I'm sorry for not writing actively here. I'm active somewhere else..(Faceboo, frisndster, work place) Well there's so much I wanna do here... it's a new year... and I think I would leave what's left of 2008's on my life shelf. So... what's goin' on with me for the past few months?

1. Gained weight
2. Still working
3. Still single
4. More drama.
5. More friends
6. More enemies

Nothin' much.. though. hehe.. just to keep it simple. just need to retrace back where the hell does my muses go... surely.. I'll write stuff more towards being in love and life's event. and maybe I'll write more about everything.

So.. I don't expect fans or loyal readers around.. just that I'm thankful to be in this page and show some colours around this dark spaces.

I'll post sumthin' up soon.... let my cat serves u here... hehhe

Remember................ [ Smirk To Save The World ]

cheers!

[ "The Frontiers" Gathering ]

2008-11-05T02:41:00.005+08:00

Last week I was invited to a gathering.... I was still working (TBS CP) so i claimed my working hours and went out around 7pm. I was called up by Abqaree (my senior in Hi-skool) and we all meet up at MCD..

Then We all go for movies .. "Bangkok Dangerous".. the movie is a bit draggish..

Me and Nelsey.. my good old crazy-mazey school mate

Sayyyy cheeeeeseee!!

Our looong tickets.. oooh i love tickets

Then went for coffee-coffee story-story at Sri Sempelang (the one at Asia City)

dat guy at the end look sooo cute... hehe

this is the guy who invited me.. hehehe

so that's all... hehehe.. nothin much. but it was fun to meet a few of my seniors and my batch... ahahha... till then...

[ The Expired report on the Kadus Entertainment Gathering ]

2008-11-01T12:44:00.005+08:00

hahha.. been away from typing for a while. Here is just a brief of the 18th Oct Kadus Entertainment Gathering. The event held at Pusakag Cafe/Studio , Penampang 25 minutes away from town (depends on the traffic)... so I went there with Ricky. I already reserved my holiday since September and I think It's worth that I went there.. haha..

Pose for the cover Rick!

Gideon, Betcy (She won best dress for female) , Bernard, and me

My favourite singer that nite. her voice is so OTT..... I aaaam chaaaanggiiing~~~

I like this guy. so bamz!.. I mean cute... Owh Reno! Sepa ada number dia!!

ANd I won an award dat nite! I was the Best Dress/ Best Style for male that nite! and my face was in the news..(mau jg bagitau) ekekekke...

Overall.. the event was ok. hehhe.. I enjoyed the food and the crowd and especially the performances. but there's a few bad karaoke-like singin.

ok till then!!

[ Will Update ]

2008-10-06T23:16:00.001+08:00

Will update soon... so stucked up with work... got holiday pun masih penat. aduilaaaa

[ Thought of the day ]

2008-09-23T22:55:00.004+08:00

No one's REALLY honest nowadays.

[ I've been tagged ]

2008-09-18T21:06:00.003+08:00

I've been tagged by Claire. so I just put anything here. since Im busy with work.. so this is what I manage to put here

1. The person who tag/pass you this is?
-> Claire

2. Your relationship with her/him is?

-> A friend...

3. Your five impression of her/him?-> B.E.A.U-TY.. ekekekke

4. The most memorable thing she/he had done for you?

-> I dunno.. maybe the comments around here?

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?

-> hope there'll be one..

6. If she/he becomes your lover you will?

-> owh gosh.... I dunno. that's so against my sexuality.

7. If she/he becomes your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?

-> I dunno...

8. If she/he become your enemy, you will?

-> I'm so gonna kutuk her here. ekekeke...

9. If she/he become your enemy, the reason will be?

-> no reason now..

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?

-> to thank her

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?

-> She's nice and loud.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?

-> they think Im a slut.. I don't mind.

13. The characters you love of yourself are?

-> I'm friendly (and that's a problem)

14. On the contrary, the character you hate yourself are?

-> I'm over-sensitive

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?

->myself

16.For people that care and like you, say something to them :

-> I care and like you too...

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.

-> They are :
malas mau taip sebenarnya... sepa2 jakla.. ekke
1. John
2. Ricardo
3. Ali
4. Jahmeez
5. Lan
6. Alus
7. Jerry
8. Girllyen
9. Reno
10. anakjagung

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
-> No idea

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
-> male

20. If number 7. and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
-> Ooo nooo... might be a quarrell between the "cousin"

21. What is no.2 studying about?
-> Boys... and stuff.. hahaha

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
-> thru phone

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
-> Gamelan.. akakakka

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?
-> yah.. yah

25. Will you woo no.3?
->Owh totally NEVER. can't be girls on girls... that's lesbo

26. How about number 7?

-> I'll think about it.... ekekke

27. Is no. 4 single?

-> maybe

28. What is the surname of no.5?

-> nama bapa ba kan? lupa.. ekekke sorry lan

29. What's the hobby of no.10?

-> ermm.. forgetting friends maybe? or maybe he likes english.. so it could be teaching

30. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?

-> they don't know each other

31. Where is no.2 studying at?

-> Austral ACademy.. dulu la

32. Talk something casually about no.1?
-> He's a guy

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?
-> never crossed my mind

34. Where does no.9 live at?
-> at his house

35. What colour does no.4 like?
-> blue and white?

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?

-> I don't know. but they're at the same state

37. is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?

-> owh... tough Q.... I thought it was me? hahahha

38. What is no.6 doing now?
-> going somewhere... typing probably... ekekkee..

that's all.. sorry la.. I'm to up tight with my job. hehehe.. hey hey...

[ Quote of the day ]

2008-09-08T22:57:00.007+08:00

Ok.. Last few days I went out with my best butties from high-school. it has been 8 years and yet still going strong. hehehe.. I even made a poem for them called "The Fours" (including me in it). so that one fine evening after Break-Fast....

We were talking about being ourself in public or anywhere... I wanna make my point by saying that I don't go around being fake. Or as they call it control macho. Instead I said

"I don't fake my acting in my public"...

get it?... meaning that I was still faking it by making that statement. me and the gang were laughing so bad that the drinks we just consume was about to errupt out of our mouth. so I ammend my sentence to:

"I'm not fake"

simple.... hehehe...

Ok... this dashboard belonged to Fred (the chubby guy wearing glasses). Owh gosh. It looked like 10 Maine Coon Cat just died to get that fur spreading all over his car.

At Starbux....

I love them. Presenting from the left

Christie ML CLetus, Mohd Ali Yusof, Fred Adzieren Among, and

the fabulous Nooraliff Ismail. LOL...

this poem I made especially for them and myself:

The Fours

Casted from thousands

Destined in one town

sang their names in four sounds

each of them had their own crown.

A burly emo-freak

A drudgy valedictorian

A callow social-suicider

An egocentric self-adorer.

Pictured them together

only one thing stays in common

they're friends forever

the only best of them

Bunch of harlots

but they're just having fun.

Almost a decade in the making

They evolved

They discovered

They enthralized

They're the fours.

[ Food Review ]

2008-09-04T21:51:00.004+08:00

Sawaadee kaapppppp.... Last month's SBG provide us with gift bags. I realize there was still a lunch coupon unused. so me and Riqi decided to go to Mango Cafe at Star City Complex A.K.A. Asia City Complex the same day we went for the International Cat Show.

That coupon was lunch for two with 7 items. so those are the dishes. yum yumm..

Tom Yam
Beef Stew
Pandan Chicken Honey
LemonGrass Iced Tea
Rice
Sayur masak Belacan. ekekeke....

cost us Rm28 for all of the items. usual price would be around RM48

Tom yam and Beef stew (I guess so)

Refreshing LemonGrass Iced Tea . (and I just need to have another one)

Pick ur head. hahahha

Faces of a satisfied Food Critics.

The food and environment was serene. everything was to our likings. Nice background musics (thai songs). we enjoyed our lunch as well as the open space's simple landscape.

[ International Cat Show ]

2008-08-30T19:32:00.005+08:00

Last week I went to the Cat Show held at Sabah Trade Centre near Likas Square. me and Riqi had to pay an admission of RM5 just to get an entrance stamp from EC.

So here's a few of the Meows that we managed to capture during our tour there.

Me and riqi famishly looking at the caged feline.

An this is the judging ring for those who brought their cats. this is the place where your cat being judged and tagged to see how high your cat's breed is. and she's Diana Rothermel. The cat Lady from Cat Fanciers' Association.

kesian those cats kena kurung. still cute. might consider Jobie to enter the ring next year. hahaha... well Overall I kind off hate the way the owner of each cats being so rude to the spectators. There's this wrinkled lady who shoved a girl away for trespassing a 2cm (which I think she made that territory her self) line from which the cats are being held hostage. I mean have some courtesy la. like no one's gonna steal her cat jgk. Macam la cantik kucing dia.

[ That's all. we love our cats. keep smirking y'all! ]

[ Sadness around the corner ]

2008-08-28T19:30:00.004+08:00

Why do I always fall for someone who doesn’t love me as much as I love them? And it turned out that they’re more in love and passionate with their scandal. Am I too strong or is it just me that had been expecting my partners to be as obsessed as me?

Or was it insecurities? Can’t I have insecurities in my relationships? I mean I can be a freak sometimes but I need a comfort message not silence. If I let my partners free to move… what would happen? They feel as if there’s no control and free to mingle.

And then when “stuff” happened... Who’s to blame? It’ll always goes back to me. I was too insecure they said. But was it my fault? It’s not my lips on their scandals. Right? It’s not me who said

"I’m still single” though the fact that their already had a partner.

A bit of control is a necessity. i'm not saying to be a freak control. Of course we need a fun and casual relation somehow… but why do we keep secrets? (owh god I love secrets.. it's like orgasm) Why do I need to be almost honest all the time? Why do they keep their past aside? I seriously don’t know why are they afraid.

Will I not be able to except the truth? I can. It’s just they never try to talk to me. They tend to assume that I’m over-sensitive. Yes that’s true. I am. Can’t they talk to me? It’s a simple conversation. Talking. Face to face. Why is it so hard to talk? Talking bah… used those vocal chord, mouth, tongue, and lips to talk. They’re not just for kissing and sucking (mind me I'm horny at this paragraph).

Simple stuff. But they thought I’m making a big deal out of it. I was just trying to talk. Reality and crappy stuff. And when I started to talk they thought I was over sensitive and they started to get emotional and angry. Talk. It’s simple. Talking and explaining. It’s not hard. I may be redundant. But it’s always healthy to remind someone although it’s annoying. Help me. My memory is not healthy so as you. Then you’ll be helped. Everyone is satisfied in the end.

I’m afraid to talk. I became so much more sensitive and extroverted over stuff that doesn’t need to be bothered. I tend to think too much over things. Was it my fault (again)? Yes. I let it be. But there’s no support. People keep thinking I was their pain in the ass. Then why keep it like that? I thought they like those “pain” in the ass. Why complain but didn’t composed to it. Why not resolve to it and face me? Was it hard? NO. I don’t kick or punch people. That’s not my nature.

People should explain why and what things that they don’t like before I got smeared with saliva. If once or twice was ok. But if it’s continuous like the blocks of Sinsuran’s shop lots might cause trouble. This kind of lag made me emotional and crappy.

When my partners ended their relationships with me. I’ve felt as if I’m unattractive. Those other scandals win them over. I seriously believe people who have lower attractiveness have a great deal of chance to be dumped. Don’t believe me? BELIEVE IT. I’ve seen unfortunate-looking people to get dumped by their (so-called super-cute) partners.

"A” was dumped because “N” thought “A” was childish. Totally a big capital BS I state here. I’ve seen “A” by my own contact-lenses eye balls. I thought MJ is much cuter than him. I don’t assume. I knew “N” very well.

I felt like I’m used for someone’s transition to heal. I do. People like me somehow adapt themselves into bitches and whores. That’s what made them feel good. It is a dumb choice but what can that person do? They need remedies too. Their ex's are happy with their other half's. don't we (who are broken) deserves to be happy?

But somehow I realize that things like this had to happen because it made the world go round (not literally). without it I won’t be able to meet people in those circles. And without their loss I won’t be able to exchange places. Right? The perfect phrase would be,

"All things always happen for a reason"

And when people said to me...

"It’s not you. It’s me”

I think that’s not true. It’ll always be about me and you (Cassie singing at the background). There would always be a problem in each partner whether they like it or not. And how to know what are those?

So Simple….. Just talk. it's not easy but it's simple.

Ignorance is bliss. True. It’s vengeance in tranquility as I put it.

[ I'm sorry if i never been a good partner or a good communicator. But thats my flaws. they can't except my flaws and all. but maybe somebody else will. ]

[ Anticipation ]

2008-08-27T21:34:00.004+08:00

Rest in peace my heart
Impaired by the darkest hours.
Cleanse this hatred off, dear love
All I want is with me when you’re near.
Ravage my poignant days, dear bliss
Drought ruled the year I live in
Of life that weren’t meant for me.
Urge my insanity to dreams, dear hope
Never should I suffer again
Thus someone had save me
Omit away, dear loneliness.

[Aleaf]

[ Just as before ]

2008-08-24T18:18:00.002+08:00

Do you ever regret?
What?
Of leaving me.
No.
Then... Why am I still here?
Because you’re leaving me.
Can’t I?
You may.
Then... Why am I still here?
You wanted to.
Can’t I?
Yes.
Then... Why are we still here?
Because there’s no way out.
It burns. It hurts. Can you hug me?
Yes. Just as before.

... the house burned down

-end-

[ Light Graffiti episode 2 ]

2008-08-21T22:57:00.002+08:00

On my way back home.. I tried another project on light graffiti. while in the car this is some of the images I succededly took with some minor change of settings of my camera.. then voila!

Those are the other car's light

it was a bit shaky while this was taken but turned out to be nice

hehehe...

I'm moving at the speed of light!!! hehehe

boring bah so gatal-gatal jak nih

[ Sucka For Love ]

2008-08-20T20:02:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to kissing and hugging

touching and rubbing

I'm a sucka for love...

If you're addicted to kissing and hugging touching and rubbing

you're a sucka for love

[ Negativity ]

2008-08-19T02:58:00.004+08:00

We live in a world with so many things to be dissatisfied; food, cloths, appearance, life, sex, etc….. there might be people gossiping about a girl’s dress (with that everybody-is-looking-at-me look) with a dreadful match in Hell Christian Lacroix’s black satin heels or having this thought of snatching someone’s partner because you‘re way gorgeous than that person he’s with.

Being pessimistic in a right place is tolerable. Some people discontented with everything. (Like the world's about to end) They were against everything that came pass their way. It’s like nothing pleases them. Diva like, flipping their hair, blotchy make-up, big haired people… not that I think all of them are drag queens. It’s just a depiction of what I’ve described girls who’re bitchy and fabulous. Guys have their own ego. They can be the DQ, normal or the pretenders.

When I’m elsewhere around the city with friends or my exs, we commented on things that does not complement with our sights in certain time. I realized I overload some of the conversation on bad remarks and somehow made some others feel uncomfortable. And I manage to tone down a bit. I was being optimistic with things going around but do I ever exclude myself from being negative? Nope. I don’t know why… seems fun to carry out such activity. But sooner or later I’ll taste my own medicine.

Being negative is fun… seriously everybody does that. But we need to be positive somehow. It’s an equilibrium in self-attitude. I might be totally wrong about this.. but people had their own perception on stuffs…

Cheers. Keep smirking. owh gosh.. so bored...

[ The 3 F’s ]

2008-08-16T20:52:00.002+08:00

Wondering what're those 3 F's stand for? Friends. Foes, and For-display-only.

Friends… who doesn’t have one? Or thousands more? Friend is a person who entertains you for another such sentiments of esteem, respect and affection. They’re the one who treats you like… you’re there. They who you knew fondly for so long and they who you casually meet and greet. They’re the company you want when you’re broken (or broke) or when you just need someone to brag with.

Foes…. perceptibly they’re the enemy. Who back-stabbed you when you’re not looking, who pushes you off the 4^th Floor of the 1 Borneo Mall when they said “I have something to show you”. They’re the people whom we love to hate. You can either make them closer to you or you give them the silent treatment

For-display-only - The person you happened to go out with or just started to know each other would actually treat you as FDO. They didn’t mean it but their action made it much clearer. They’re the one who asked you to go for a date, but unwillingly for other people to see u guys went out. Or they just want to accumulate the number if their peeps. In a selfish sense, they just want to have their reputation protected without any consent of other people. So it's either they pleases their own self. PLT (People Like This) doesn’t need us. They only need their own mirror. A cheap one.

Trust yourself before you lend your trust on others.

[ And so it is ... ]

2008-08-14T20:44:00.003+08:00

Search in my mind,
trying to figure it out
And thought
I was happy but I'm having some doubts
Think I found the answer and I know I must confess
I'm still in love with my ex

And I wasn't ready when I said that I loved you
And in my heart, I know that I gotta tell you
I shouldn't have gone from a situation to the next
I'm still in love with my ex

[taken from "Kelly Rowland - I'm still in love with my ex"]

[ I love Ellen DeGeneres ]

2008-08-13T21:44:00.006+08:00

One of Ellen's episode was that she made a segment called

"What are those kids talking about?” (then there's a cue song at the back)

and she responded to a few Q from her fan mails about words that the ghetto or those rapper peeps used; Grill, chingy, Drop it like it’s hot, tail feather.... etc etc

Then again she always made more add ons to her segment. One of it is interpreting abbreviations being used in IMs or messaging term by young peeps and translating it to what much older peeps might intrepret on it.:

LOL (Laugh Out Loud) - Low On Lip-tore
BFF (Best Friend Forever) - Back From Florida
IC (I See) - I Can’t.
OMG (Oh My Gosh) - Ouch My Gallbladder
TTTT (To Tell The Truth) – I’m sitting over the keyboard aimlessly pressing the word “T” continuously

Hahahahaha.. I was ROTFALOL (Rolling On The Floor And Laughing Out Loud... Riqi told me this) after that segment.

I can't believe that was her. she's gorgeous here.

I love Ellen. She’s so funny. full of colours. and she's fun to watch!

[ Blog and Blogging ]

2008-08-12T19:58:00.004+08:00

I personally believe blogging should be something you do to express your opinion or simply talks about something or even express everything into art (photography, video, poems, etc).

There’re people who wrote in a discreet manner as to hide themselves. That’s fine. They have all rights to do that (like the phrase “mcm suka hati sia lah mau buat apa”) . Some bloggers fake their writings. Because that’s how they portray themselve. Right? Being discreet and fake is two different things. Being discreet is ok. There’s reason to be discreet for certain peeps. Being fake is a capital BS.

I had a few bloggers who commented in my message box who asked me to link them in my blog. Do they even visit my site again? Or just as an add ons as to extend their blogger’s list. And people would look at their looong list thinking,

“owh this guy is cool and read so many blogs”….

Are they? I’m not saying all of them but there’s a bunch.

I put links in my blogs of other bloggers because I read their postings. I devote myself to read their posts. I don’t simply put them in just to accesorize. and we need simple and attractive blog as not to degrade our vision. Make people focus more on your writing and not the widgets and stuff. 1 or 2 is ok but when there's the WHOLE TOWN in there that's tooooo messy. If you're good with HTML and stuff make good edits.

I started blogging in Xanga.com in 2006 after my first ex (LTR) introduced it to me. Then I moved to Blogspot.com last year. Actively writing poems and everything ever since. I’ve been ALMOST honest in my writings and I don’t see any problem except to improve myself. Believe me there’re some mentality who can’t except and finding it hard to understand because there are writings that need a deep and high IQ to be understandable. I can’t say it’s my writings but some other genius writer.

Some of my friend (who happens to read my blog) asked,

“why do I write in such language?”

Because I want to improve. Not to show off (maybe a little). I mixed my sentences with bahasa though (with sabahan slang) . And I still refer to a dict. Yet still I made a few grammar and spelling errors. But I don’t mind. I learned. We’re only human. None are perfect. Even the news caster made mistakes. Like the other day this Indian girl on TV3 during a live midnight news (yah I watch news on TV3 also) simply pronounce,

“Capacity” as “Ka-pe-city”

and other mis-pronounciation (she was so addressing this british accent that she made so many annoying mistakes). Please do encourage yourself to write in languages. I mean do you want to embarrased yourself in later usage?

Go write! Enjoy. Write anything. Take pictures. Express yourself. Keep "B" to da "LOG"

I don’t mean to annoy or made any controversial statements. But... hey that’s ALMOST the purpose of blogging right? Writing in as much as you want. So I thank to who at least spent some time to be a reader. I’m not proud with what I’ve wrote but I’m glad somehow I let it all out in my writings.

This post is a continuance and merely an agreement to Ricky’s post (http://hushmonkey.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-do-you-want-to-blog.html).

[ Having The Same Wavelength ]

2008-08-10T03:10:00.004+08:00

The more time you spent with that person, you tend to think likely the same in some term and vice versa. even when giving an opinion there's always be a resemblance. There's a nexusity between those two person that made them spoke simultaneously. or probably that person much more pliable to the other. ha ha ha... la la la. and that's just my theory. How about feelings? Do they feel the same thing? Depends.

The other day, me and "Z" went for a stroll having our eyes fixed with "views" (smirk). a buff, fortunate looking guy, wearing a green SODA shirt and a nice fitted jean passed our table at Starbucks.

Z: "Sadap"

Me: "Sadap"

We both spoke at the same time.

Me: Jinx! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

Z: Jinx! 1,2,3,4... ish....

Actually we skip the "jinx" part but just to make it more complete. that was just a game in any conversation when two or more person spoke the same word at the same time. it was just a superstitious game though. but it seem fun. the actual (unwritten) rule was that person who doesn't made it till 10 will not be allowed to speak (or any penalty) until the "Jinxer" said so. hehehe..

example: if I won the game I would ask that person to have sex with me then the game is off. naughty... naughty thoughts..

[ About Love ]

2008-08-08T23:03:00.004+08:00

Love is like a disease. It infects you when u least expected it. it grows on you like cancer. its virus evolved and shows symptoms; jealousy, hatred, joy, and others. We let Love flow in our veins. a dangerous but a noble choice. we get hurt at an utmost situation. then love kills you even if you're glad it's there. There's no cure for love. No matter how you try to find a closure, it'll still leave its scar. you still had the pain in you and remembered the process of it's infection.

Love has an impetus effect on you. It made you do the damness things. Something you wouldn't know you were able to do. there's no definite term to elucidate Love. it's cruel. It's a force. It's somehow sweet.

When we said we don't want to fall in love again.... don't let your guards down. Love is stronger than it seems to be. It'll find its way. want to fall in love? then take care of yourself.

And today i had a qucikie inside a fitting room with "Z" while trying a pants. Guess where? nope you're wrong! It's at Pacific Ngiukee. ahahahaha.. a quick blow with no shots. just the head. naughty... naughty... (british accent)

[ Sabahan Bloggers Gathering (the review) ]

2008-08-07T20:19:00.011+08:00

2nd August Saturday, SBG was held at The Imperial Hotel, Warisan Square. I went there with Riqi (Hushmonkey.blogspot) and was one of the early 100 to get the gift bags. I was a bit disappointed when there ain’t any Starbucks served as said for the early birds. But that was 20 minutes later. yey coffee!!!

Black Coffee (Americano)

The 10th floor event hall is started to fill in with guests. Saw a few note-able faces over the other side. It's suppose to start around 7 but someone’s late and we (especially me) have to starve while waiting. They were still setting up some equiptment then it started of with speeches and performances… Thank god it wasn't one of those loooong talks. Though Louis Pang was making a joke about it.

Our Host for the night.. DJ SELINA AND DJ FARA

Dinner!!! Foooooooood… yum yum… what’s on the menu? Malas mau ckp. Semua sadap-sadap bah.

Hungry people. me and riqi apa lagi serbu tuh buffet awal2.

lucky draws in between the performances. I was lucky that night (alhamdulillah). But wasn’t sure if I’m using it. I walk most of the time but it would be a fancy wrist watch. Hey… hey… I used to work at a Nike Shop. So it kinda complement my hard work back then(kunun).

Nike Sports-Band and Numbur cantik (as the lady said)

Event ended at 10.30 (so early… start late, finish early. Mcm masuk kerja lambat tp balik awal) with a group photo. Yeehaaaaa!!!

Here’s the juice of my own view. The event was average to me (I'm hearing voices already... and they don’t like me). It's like a plain (but delicious) carrot juice without milk. It wasn’t that boring or great. Though there’s a few suck-ish karaoke-like singing but I liked most of the singing. It was GRAND but just a run of the mill. I know I’m expecting too much but that’s how I rate SBG. It’s just that, this gathering wasn’t something I could remember much.

Attendance should be given to those who really can make it early (or along the event) and not at the end of the event (unlike someone). It wouldn’t be fair for those who paid and worked their ass off into getting there.

The performance was ok lah. I enjoyed it. I love the singing part of the attending guests from SIA (you look wonderful tonight.. at the background). Artist? Richado was ok lah. He’s cute though.

Venue: 9/10
Food: 9/10 (I love the chicken)
Performance:6/10
Activity: 4/10

I personally believe installing an award ceremony would be fun. Not that I disagree with this gathering but if there’s an award ceremony for Bloggers (any title) included would be fun to watch. As a result we will eager to read that person’s blog and bitch about it (evil laugh).

Alas, congrats to the ORGANIZING committee. They manage to pull off a good event. Thanx to the sponsors (whom I lazyly not to mention). I was having fun but WE still need to figure out what would make an event for bloggers much more memorable.

I said WE because I think we're in this together

[ KEEP SMIRKING AND SAVE THE WORLD ]

[ Happy Birthday ]

2008-08-01T21:39:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday to my mum!!

My mum's a bit shy on camera... hahahahah.

(kidding..I'm a bad son. got no digital pics of her)

This Afternoon I wished my mum while she was playing with my cat, jobie. Then she said:

"Baru sekarang ko mau wish?"

A sarcastic remark from a 47 year old woman (she was kidding but I know she meant it). It was my fault juga that I remembered her birthday after turning the dial on my (techy .... as if la kunun) calendar to August 1st. I didn't bought her anything so I kept the house spotless as in return. ngehehehhe... saja mengampu bah.

[ Bunny ]

2008-07-31T21:30:00.004+08:00

Other than cats I really love Bunnies

mmm... to much bulges isn't it?

[ Gossip Boys ]

2008-07-30T21:35:00.006+08:00

A few days ago I’ve been hearing gossips about my long time scandal. “N” had been dating with a guy that had features of his past ex. It’s battle-of-the-ugly once more (That came out so harsh) but what the hell.

Visit him at perezhilton.com

It’s just gossip (that came out to be true) but when it comes to that, I somehow care or don’t care. I’m not like Perez when it comes to gossips. (I typed “comes”, “but” and “gossips” twice… mmmm is that important?).

Well it’s gossip (there goes the 3rd one). People saw, talk, spread, and somehow the words are tweaked before speech. That’s how it goes. Anyone can end up a victim. Then when the time comes we must pick ourselves up and continue our journey. Even me! Got stories from “mouths” that I’m married to a Papar-ians (who I don't even know or had any)which is entirely not true. And there’s another rumor that I’ve kept changing partners. Ermm… that’s an exception. But I DON'T change partners. I’m not Colin Farell (nor Britney). I had a few dates and ONLY dates. Sometimes there’re pleasure (or sex which ever might please you) involved but only dates. Nevertheless.

mmmmm... Intriguing is it?

Gossips won’t happen if people didn’t see those things happened in front of them. Like I said before, they eventually disembark the truth. I don’t mind. Can’t shut their pie-hole. Afterall... this is almost a free country. And hearing bad stuff about my past-spit just made my day ( Evil laugh while holding strains of that persons hair ).

Seriously i want to find that "creepy thin man's" evil laugh from Charlie's Angels but this will do.

Anyways... should we realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without someone else putting in so much effort to give us another. right? Rumors alive?
That's ok. I kinda like the attention. yeeehaaaaa!!!

[ Keep smirking and save the world ]

[ when I grow up ]

2008-07-28T23:04:00.010+08:00

I joined my dad for a drink with few of his "soccer buds"... And I realize that I wasn't suppose to be there. this is SO not my thing. but for a reason (ain't going there without a cheeky plan... la la la )... let's say I just want to have a view of this someone. The black-short-goatee abg. akakakkaka...

Should just take a picture, would last longer.

then they were talking about .. ermm.. "chicks" (gurls) which I found it so rude that they labelled female sapiens a chicken's son and daughters (im so blonde here). No respect whatsoever. No wonder my dad's marriage doesn't last that long.

Can't imagine that I would grow up and become like my dad and his other minions. I even have this crazy thought that I would be living with 90 cats in a glass room when I reach my 40s.

owh... and today i decided to change my publishing name from ecriturealeaf.blogspot to imnotagreenbag.blogspot (of course i'd re-invent it). so I spent 2 hours (with a little help from a muse called Riqi) just to find a good or a decent name because we both thought that my old URL was a bit cornyly frenchy.

Please focus on that green bag and not ME.. eh? ... ermm.. I meant that lady!. ok? yeehaaaa

Finally I decided to use that until further amendents. ngehehehhe....

[ Light Graffiti ]

2008-07-27T20:38:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I tried myself into making an artwork called the "Light Graffiti". Using a Digital Camera and any coloured neon lights and a flat surface and also a few changed of settings. So Here's some of the images that I made that night. hehehe :

My first attempt

Tried to make a heart shape

Wanna make my first word. Inda Jadi oh! tebalik

This is my final product. hehehe.. "SAE". yey me!! hehehe

[ Won't Dispel ]

2008-07-25T23:26:00.005+08:00

The musky scent of your apple-cider skin

still lingers around.

The images of your wooden tiled floors

still flashes by.

Our songs played over and over the tubes

Teased me to cry.

Those nights of satanic urges together

Still turns me on.

Kept telling myself

To snapped out of it!

But that would always be your duty

To bring me back to earth

While I was blankly daydreaming over nothing.

Seems getting over will work other ways

We've changed but the heart is still there

The love's puzzle just missed a few pieces

Waiting for it to be completed

Frames of memory kept coming back
They always do
And those won't dispel.

[ I, Feel ]

2008-07-24T21:47:00.005+08:00

I'm seeing figures in the mist
another ghetto part, another gory night
need to tell
need to speak

I do it by hand
verbally condemned.
It's easier this way
there's no clogged drains
just flutey words.

[ Went for a net surfing or is it...? ]

2008-07-23T22:11:00.006+08:00

I spy with my wittle eye...

gonna thanx someone for this... hehehe..

[ Behind All That ]

2008-07-22T20:21:00.002+08:00

I was at a buffet table digging some fried chicken (mmm.. my favourite) and an old man in his mid 40s was behind me muttering something in malay (Dusun style) while shoving his kids (I think) away from the bunker filled with canned cold drinks (and Beer-carlsberg, you know the drill).
So he was in sarcastic and angry tone saying,

"Janganla kamurang pigi ambik tu beer. aduila ni budak-budak. Malas sia kalo tgk budak mabuk!"

I chuckled so loud and had a few moment of silence while looking at that uncle, then move silently like a trained assasin towards the other food station.

well..... it tells that the kids were trained or had been drinking back then.
So sometimes there's a lot more than meets the eye. (aiyoo.... so corny).

[ Why so serious? ]

2008-07-21T18:31:00.003+08:00

Today my Jobie is imitating The Joker after watching The Dark Knight last week. And I help her with the make up. so here's Jobie to cast for the next sequel. hehehe...

Why So Serious?

[ Reality check ]

2008-07-20T20:31:00.003+08:00

Jack: Why do I always fall for the bad ones?

Iris: Becoz you're hoping you're wrong and everytime she does something,
everytime she tells you she's no good for you, you ignored it and
everytime she comes thru and surprises you,
she wins you over and you lose that arguments with yourself that she's not for you.

[ The Dark Knight ]

2008-07-18T19:40:00.010+08:00

I watched the Dark Knight yesterday.. And i can say this movie is freakin'ly awesome!!! the Dark Knight is Flawless from beginning till the end.

The Batman (played by Christian Bale). Dunno what to say, but he does play a good role as Batman. Three thumbs up!

Now this movie features how Two face becomes the Two Face. hehehe.. at first I didn't know who Harvey Dent is. and it turned out that he's the Two Face. relying on chance by flipping his lucky coin. pliingggg....

The Joker (played by Heath Ledger) . He portrays the character of the real Joker . How he's suppose to freaky. A smart psycho-maniac dude with army makeup and an extension smile on his face.
It was Uh(shriek a bit)-Mazing!!

Wanna know how he get the scar on his face? Go watch it ur self!! Angry? Why so serious? hehehe....

Towards the end of the movie, i was a bit sad. knowing that a great actor like Heath Ledger is no longer alive and the fact that his portrayal of The Joker was so great.

The Dark Knight is a masterpiece.

Overall I'm giving 5 out of 5! Worth a watch!
That's not my cat. hehehe..

[ I'm a cat person ]

2008-07-16T21:54:00.002+08:00

[ I, Jobie ]

[ A Quick Tour (part 2) ]

2008-07-15T20:02:00.007+08:00

Just a few shots of lots opened at 1B. not much time so only few pics that I manage to get.

I like this one. cute. MCKY

got rides.. merry go round and others at Booboo Land

Charles & Keith and MO outlet Available designer brands at MO outlet.

MNG and URS
GSC and Bowling centre.
Tune Store and NIchii

Hey hey... it's time for us to head back town centre. Bye bye 1B.

Views from right wing

How to get there? there's a few alternatives:

Shuttle Bus (for free!) but it'll take a few hours before reaching 1B because the bus would travel to 4 resorts before finally heading to 1B. why NOT! it's free. Or Taxis probably cost around RM10.

Chopper? Possible? yes! but it's gonna ripped ur big fat wallet apart. hahaha.. and

the latest would be travelling to 1B via Waterfront on a 30 Seater Hovercraft!!!

The restaurants on 1Borneo’s concourse level include

Old Station Kopitiam,
Fish & Co,
Sweet Dynasty
Thai Odyssey
La Manila,
Crocodile Restaurant,
Manhattan Fish Market,
Burger King,
Vedablu,
KFC,
Deli France,
Pizza Hut,
KFC,
McDonald’s,
Kenny ROgers,
The Chicken Rice Shop,
Sushi King,
Big Apple,
Kiew Brother BBQ,
Penang Village
Michi Japanese Restaurant.

Coffee needs?

Coffee Bean,
Old Town White Coffee,
San Francisco Coffee,
Dome
Starbucks.

Food and snack outlets include amongst others

HK Recipe,
Made in China,
Olive,
Secret Recipe
New York New York.

Available retail outlets(currently and soon)

F.O.S,
Island Shop,
Padini, Polo,
Nose,
Nine West,
Levi’s,
Guess,
Esprit,
Charles & Keithe,
FCUK,
Zara,
Yishion,
Nike,
Adidas,
Hang Ten,
Billabong,
Quicksilver,
Asics,
Crocs,
Body Glove
MAC Make-up,
Body Shop,
CK
MNG

All are to be found at 1B and much more. I can’t list down all the shops here because it’ll be draggy…… hehehehe…. now i have to stop.

Come to 1 Borneo Hypermall!! Because there's only "One Borneo"

[ A Quick Tour (part 1)]

2008-07-14T22:48:00.009+08:00

7th July 08, Monday - I had a tour around 1 Borneo Hyper Mall that had its soft opening on March this year. Though it wasn’t fully finished but I can say 1B wasn’t that bad. Located 7KM away from town centre, going north downtown area passing UMS and you’ll arrive there not more than 30Minutes depends on traffic.

I went there with a few of my buds which I decide to keep anonymous and with Sammy (the camera). So we enjoyed the day and here’s a brief intro about the whole area of 1B. First let’s see the exterior view .

Noticed that two unfinished building at the back? That’s gonna be the Prince Tower Supercondo. I saw the showroom and it was amazing! (Which I cant afford of course). From afar you can see the two blue coloured (tinted and tiled) building, from left that’s gonna be Novotel and next to it is Mercure Hotel.
(With the golden dome and stretched to the back) That’s the AutoCity: workshops, parking space, sportscar show, and everything for those vehicle junky.

view from UMS

That’s Tune Hotel (red and white), the low cost hotel with a 5 star environment and next to it is (golden dome) the BW Courtyard Hotel. So basically there’s 4 Hotels installed at 1B.

Let’s go Inside!!

Lower Ground View

Still under construction. located at lower ground

FOODDDD!!!!

Bintang Lagenda and Rasa Mas

So me and my buds were a bit tired and need something for lunch. So since it's my 22nd birthday gonna celebrate it at.. guess where? Sushi King!! I'm not a fan but I love sushi!

Which one??

that's only the 1st round. heehhe....

open wideeee.. ngaaaaaaa

Nope.. i don't know him. heheh "global warming is awesome!"

My first thought was 1Borneo looked like Pavillion / MV / The Curve.

So in part 2 I'm gonna post about the stores and other stuff. hehehe.. wait n see.

[ The Holiday ]

2008-07-12T11:07:00.003+08:00

The movie that I extremely adore (it's a chick flick... well sort off). Starring Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet And Jack Black
This are some of the lines I took from a scene of Kate Winslet realizing that the man she loves was in love with someone else. (I cried every time I watched this scene.. and the whole movie)

"Those years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who DOES NOT and WILL NOT love me back.

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get
or gyms you join
or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...
you still go to bed every night going over every details
and wonder what you did wrong
or how you could have misunderstood
and how in the hell, for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.

Sometimes you even convince yourself that he'll see the light
and show up at your door...
And after all that.. however long all that maybe,
YOU'LL GO SOMEWHERE NEW,
you'll meet people who make you feel WORTHWHILE again.

And little pieces of your soul will finally come back;
and all that fussy stuff
and those years of your life you've wasted...
that...
eventually begin to fade."

And here's the video. enjoy it! catch her saying the lines starting at 2.22:

[ Beauty & The Beast ]

2008-07-10T22:17:00.006+08:00

I‘m an invisible kid in high school (not being narcissistic in this present time), and YES people do tripped over me. It’s a lot of pressure for a 13year old freshmen. There's a time where I'm labelled a rhinoceros and my god!.. SJP would pity me that time.

But being crowned prom night’s “Prom King” was the cherry on top of my senior years. That oughta shut those b****y catty mouth.
I went through a phase of discovering my sexual orientation. Met internet "friends", have multiple sex, met love all the way, getting hurt inside… *sigh*

Some people asked me for dating tips and I can’t give them an exact answer (It’s like asking for parenting tip from Britney) because I wasn’t that sure myself.

I develope myself and making changes for good but there would be people saying “it won’t do you any good” or “nothing would change”. Let's say I don't listen to people that much. Headstrong.

Being a butterfly is tiring (no wonder they last only for 2 weeks). They eventually die and people would only remember how beautiful they were not the kind they are. Having that hard work recognized and being turned down was another bullet through my head. Probably they were genetically engineered to not feel anything when saying “I can’t be with you”.

But sometimes it’s me to blame. It's time to reincarnate and live again.

Start anew was easy (in my head) but I just can’t get my foot on the right track. I still got debris somewhere between my teeth. And can’t figure out what and where it is.
Being beautiful doesn’t always get me what I want; sometimes I had to let other people get in my way in order to get myself up. I know it sounded as if I let trash poured on me but I need to swallow some of it. Like taking the pain with me and turn it to neutral thoughts. Positive.

Now, I’m really happy. Good food. I feel healthy. A non-smoking and non-drinking 22 year old guy. Though my heart and mind feel old, that’s a good thing right?

And this is not I’m-ugly-I-and-I-need-to-be-praised post. It’s just something I thought off .

Metamorphosis mode.

Cheers!!

[ Nice ]

2008-07-08T23:03:00.003+08:00

[ I have two dads ]

[ our love ]

2008-07-05T21:29:00.005+08:00

"by Aleaf"

It was written on the sand
Survived the blazing sun
Endured people walking over us
Withstand the cold night
No matter how durable that love was
The ocean’s wave would wash it all out
Dried-out and damaged

Forbidden sand-carved love.

[ I Realize ]

2008-06-30T11:56:00.005+08:00

“by Aleaf"

He jumped off to another

And still sleeps at night.

Never have the thought to consider me

Have to look what you’re looking for

I just got to know

It’s not me.

[ Sometimes ]

2008-06-29T22:10:00.004+08:00

“by Aleaf”

Sometimes we keep secrets to survive
Sometimes we lie so we don’t lose the one we care
Sometimes hormones made u do strange things
Sometimes when you know, that you “KNOW”,
we just can’t put our hopes too high.

Sometimes it's a lot harder avoiding people than facing them
Sometimes when we love we don't get it back in return
Sometimes it's not always our family that love you the most
Sometimes it's the family that you make yourself.

Sometimes when we grew apart
we still sang the same "old song"
Sometimes the world doesn't go your way
Life and death?
Sometimes we have to think about it.

[ Is it? Smirk ]

2008-06-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

Sex is better après-pleur

wuhoooo....

[ Anniversaire Heureux ]

2008-06-26T15:56:00.000+08:00

[ 26th June 2008 ]

" ... Fa fa fa fa.. fa fa fa fa.. Fabolous! "

[ My Baby Girl ]

2008-06-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

[ Jobie ]

Full name: Babie "Jobie" Samantha

Sex: Female

Age: 7 month

Hobbies: Biting, run around the house, eat-eat, sleep.

Sexual orientation: Straight

[ Give Time ]

2008-06-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

A boy with a mission
Finding the next in line
Another man, another

“Let’s get along” he said
Exchanged digits
First date came along
A comment on my visage
A timid steam on my cheek
A sweet compliment on my hidden fat
Consequent meetings afterwards.

That night, that comfy night
He held my hand
Familiar words were spoken.

It was still an uncharted sea
Love will find a way I thought
Give time, I whispered

[ After ]

2008-06-23T21:45:00.001+08:00

“by Aleaf”

I thought you love me
True love?
I’ve eaten the apple
And was left a seed-clogged throat
A knife-twist of pure agony.
Like a clock without hands
Wounding up and running
But the face was totally blank.

[ The Flaws That killed You ]

2008-06-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

"by Aleaf"

We’ve made headlines
Discreetly.
Love and being loved.
Questioned.

Small lines were beginning to creep
From the corner of my eyes
Deeper lines bracketed my mouth
Stretch marks were forming
Unattractive.

You battled a way to dis-stare
Intentionally exceeded your 9 to 5
A gap on the bed
Sparks fly
There is no love in it, just routines.

Anniversary
I saw you lying stiff on the floor
The green mug clutched in your finger
I smiled, a painful relief
As I took the last sip
I’m flawless.

[ Almost Lovers ]

2008-06-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

"Almost Lovers"
by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

Well I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

[ Getting Over ]

2008-06-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

Do I think of you after the break-up?
All the time.

Why can't I forget about you?
Because getting over you is hardest thing ... I ever done.

[ Aleaf ]

[ Suddenly ]

2008-06-07T04:10:00.000+08:00

"by Aleaf"

The sky gloomed
The clouds seem depressed
suddenly it rained
I jumped, startled
Thor's hammer at work.

Flipping through a novel
The last 6 pages
Suddenly slipped out, a creeping motion
I picked it up, numb
The glossy image of him.

[ Less than nothing ]

2008-04-09T21:14:00.000+08:00

that morning Adrian was on his way
carrying two cups of coffee towards the
front door, when he overheard a
conversation between Rey & Alvin.

Alvin: I'm not a boy anymore!

Rey: what r u saying?

Alvin: you could at least tell me that
you're in love with someone else!

Rey: With who?

Alvin: Dont play dumb with me. I saw
you and ad holding hands last night
coming inside the house!

Rey: Adrian? Oh, that... that's
nothing! Me and Adrian is less
than nothing!

Alvin: Yeah right. I have to go...

Alvin left Rey alone. Adrian
looked down and backed away. He went
thru the back door and confront him
face to face.

Adrian: Rey. I've heard.

Rey: Oh god Ad. I didnt mean that.

Adrian: Less than nothin? are u insane?

Rey: I only said that to him beca--

Adrian: -Because you're embarrased to
be with me?!

Rey: Where r u going!

Adrian: I'm leaving. between us is just
less than nothin to you.
goodbye.

Rey: please don't.

The door slammed with Adrian rushing
thru his car and drive away. Leaving
Rey on the floor. speechless.

[ catch & release ]

2008-04-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

on their way to their apartment in his
car, he spoke:

R: I have something to tell you.

A: Is it gonna make me feel happier or
less happier?

R: It's gonna make u feel less happier.

A: Then don't tell me.

Then silence took place.

[ Put Your Head On My Shoulder ]

2008-04-01T18:23:00.000+08:00

"Put Your Head On My Shoulder"
by aleaf

We meet and greet
Blithely countenances;
Smiles and all
Laughs and bawl
Walk and crawl
Our world doesn’t seem so small.

The sun curtained down to a handsome dusk
Gleaming stars sprinkled across the night’s pillar-less sky,
Downy mist and gust flees.
I felt a comfy force, Breathing slowly next to my neck
We shed tears by the scene
As so god bequeath us the time.

Bunkum talk in the car
We imagined parodies of someone’s life
I held your palm
Kissed your cheek
Pecked your forehead for goodbye.

Watched you drive away
Until you're sightless from my eyes,
As I looked down
I grinned and sighed a thought
His head was on my shoulder last night.

[ Aleaf ]

[ Fly back ]

2008-03-31T18:57:00.000+08:00

"Fly Back"
by Aleaf

I let him fly..
will he fly back to me?
in time would tell..
yet this lonelyness wont dispell.

with punches of hate and wrath,
hurricanes of doubts and thoughts,
would it be overshadowed by optimism and trust?
but one thing for sure.. he'll fly back to me.
I'll wait..

[ From Me To You ]

2008-03-31T18:47:00.000+08:00

" From Me To You "
by Aleaf

Touched and screeched
Kissed and wrapped
Held and still
The love still embedded.

Slipped and mistaken
Crushed and Broken
Gravelled and still
Be forgiven...

Words and lines
Phrases and speeches
Whispers and louds
still
I'll say I love you

[ Moments ]

2008-03-31T18:41:00.000+08:00

"Moments"
by Aleaf

Trapped in a crowded feeling,
Shrouded with pain and grievance
Then I saw, my life dance its way through
Panting for a relief, a nice ending.

Before leaving those moments would appear
saying goodbye to the life
I thought were made for me.

I roamed the space here
Seeking a moment for a memory
Accumulating a million words to say
To show what lies beneath.

It's a funny thing
when life sometime immitates art
When dreams.. were shattered
and the pieces pierced your fragile heart.

Everywhere I go,
I'm down for someone
Parched for love, cares, shelter
and barriers to move on.

Moments after moments
I'm pushed into an abyss of despair
Looking at the scenery
Transient like a flower
Blooming and growing.

[ The Fours ] -by aleaf-

2008-03-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to my fag hags. so this is for my mateys.

Fred, Ali Yusof, Christie

(I wasn't in the picture)

Casted from thousands

Destined in one town

sang their names in four sounds

each of them had their own crown.

A burly emo-freak

A drudgy valedictorian

A callow social-suicider

An egocentric self-adorer.

pictured them together

only one thing stays in common

they're friends forever

the only best of them

Bunch of harlots

but they're just having fun.

Almost a decade in the making

They evolved

They discovered

They enthralized

They're the fours.

[Aleaf]

[ Confused ] -by aleaf-

2008-02-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

Dragging myself … alone
Drenched with unease mind-sets
Searching for an answer
To every rhetorical doubts

Lies … and the white ones’
A privilege to the sooth
A bleakly pain in disguise,

To the one who listen and accept
Though the fact was gruesome
All of the feelings I have
Was scattered everywhere
Hidden and prudent
Gathering me was insanely difficult

Stood up this night for a while
Putting thoughts to this piece
Muses was beside me
Gives inspiration … it came in but
Brutally hammering

Tried driving me to sleep
Unable,
Disturbed by ache … poking every inch of me
Rested my body on the bed, expecting,
Warm clinches around me … but none.

Lingered my eyes around
I realized that
I’m confused
Seems like choices are poison to me

Looking back … hell … confusion
So as this writings
Alas, exhausted by my senses
I fell into a short demise

[ Thoughts ] -by aleaf-

2008-02-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

Beans had been spilled
Empty puzzle slowly been filled
making sense to all the starting seed.

While I'm on the road
I would let people take my wheel
Spunning round and round
Sadly it would end then lead
To uncertain scene, indeed.

Confused as it may seen
Now it was so clear
That each soul wants to come clean
Apparated anger, sorrow, regrets, tears and laughter

I realize somehow
Trust was a big matter, back then
That is argued frequently
Believeable instinct played my mind

Secrets were kept
locked down in depth
Hoping it would be dandy and great
Ignoring the after math

I was right after all
Some people had a plague, heart breaker
I don't have to parol
Because answer could always be sheer

I morned each night
for the death of my life
there's no hope for me in sight
No longer it is brief and safe

Nowadays it had become so complicated
these thoughts had been torturing
I wish I could volver back
So I could swim away from this ocean of pain

[ Can't stay mad at you ] -by aleaf-

2008-02-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

The miles that I took in gettin' there
Encouraged by instinct,
Breeze of ocean's wave passes by
in the dark I lurked.

Is that?
Tried to run away, but
"conscious" mused me to calm down
"curious" said to me to stay
"anger" told me to go berserk
"instinct" pursued me to believe.

I ran out of tears
wasted it for sadness
Couldn't take it.
Almost wish that I'm dead.
Hammered, Speechless and crushed
all pain tattooed in me.

Ugghhhh~~!!
we're down and upset
but i can't stay mad at you...
I couldn't
I love you, still

[ Meant for ] -by aleaf-

2008-02-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

A month in my own rehab
Singing in a sad tune
Wailing and whining, an invisible scream
I’m loosing it.

Cracks of scarlet lines in my eyes
Each damn night, being in touch
Till silence made its wonders
Blurry … I’m down every time.

Things that happened today
Haunts me the next dawn; the eve of unforeseen-able.
Sweet songs
Romantic poems
Word spoken
Thoughts written
Partially wasn’t meant for me
I could just rub my tenaciousness of knowing and
Sighed with my shadow.

If I could travel through time
I would go 7 months back
And feel what I’ve felt before
Being meant for each other
Won’t change what I’d commit
Precede everything over and over
Until I’ve solemnly met pain again.

Fixing the future took scraps out of my soul
Why should it be different in the past?
Easy for someone to think that
Would never lose themselves to someone else
And I was up to thinking it was all about “you and me”
Well…

Maybe I’m meant to hurt, for someone’s happiness.
Maybe I’m meant to love, for someone to leave me
Maybe I’m meant to cry, for someone’s laughter
Maybe my heart meant to die, for someone’s heart to live.
And maybe,
All my good things should come to an end
For someone’s dream to begin.
I’m meant for it.